ode to invasive species
I get some kind of sick flavor in my mouth whenever I read about invasive species. I cant help but wonder that with our impressive arsenals and technological advancements we cant exterminate a species of fish or reptiles that threaten our own biological conditions? Really? I mean we seem to do a pretty good job wiping species of plants and animals that have been here for thousands of years, but we cant get rid of giant anacondas in the south?
Now I’m not a hunter by any stretch of the word, in fact I’m on the fence about how I feel about hunting. I can definitely see the appeal but the fact that I would be more than likely hunting something dumber than myself does nothing to attract me, but like I said I can see honestly how some people would find it enjoyable. I do not approve of poaching however and find it both in bad taste and a horrific practice that thanks to we will soon be losing some of our most amazing plant and animal species.
I think I might have an idea for it though, since we spread species of horrible plants and animals across the globe and then they multiply like the plague, we should just put endangered species somewhere else, so that they may multiple and ruin our ecosystems. Sorry endangered sea life you’re pretty much hosed. Imagine majestic elephants on the great plains, maybe they could even kill some of the giant anacondas down in the south.
But seriously there are so many invasive species just here in the US of A that I honestly have lost count. Many just wipe out entire ecosystems and burn people homes to the ground and rape ourwomen. I mean zebra mussels are like the Conan
the Barbarian of the great lakes right now. Here let me mosey on over to wikipedia really quickly and give a sort of quick list.
- Caulerpa taxifolia –which is some kind of super algae/seaweed which ruins everything in it’s path.
- Kudzu – Which is a horrifying vine multiplies like crazy and smothers the life out of everything.
- Japanese Beetles – which devour plant life they come across leaving the Eastern seaboard a wasteland.
- Fire ants – Look do I even NEED to say anything?
- Argentine Ants – They have the single largest colony spanning the entire globe in to one giant mega colony.
- Zebra Mussels – Which have systematically been devouring the Great Lakes.
- The Northern Snakehead – Starred in a episode of River Monsters. Oh nothing bad can come of it.
- Burmese Python – I apologize but they weren’t Anaconda’s I’m not going back to try to fix it, it’s done.
- Wild Boars – I figured they were native and I guess I thought wrong. Somehow terrifies me more.
And I mean that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I could go into Australia, where they have the bright idea for every invasive species that they somehow acquire (I like to think it’s just the Joker living in Queensland and he think’s it will be funny) that the best solution AFTER the populations have exploded is that you introduce another invasive species to take care of it. The cycle is of course mathematically unending.
I mean just look at what rabbits have done to Australia, and pigs? Oh god pigs. Pigs can actually return to their feral form after only a few generations, it doesn’t even take that long! Pigs basically ruin everything, that’s no joke, what I would kill you for they will definitely do it for less. In fact I’m willing to best most of the invasive species that I listed here and elsewhere would kill you for less OR nothing at all.
Look I’m not a hunter but I would definitely kill some ants with a shotgun. Or some seaweed. But I think what it comes down to is that people are pretty much dumb as hell, I’m actually surprised that people haven’t let giant horrifying wild cats loose. Because honestly I don’t think that Mountain Lions are enough. I mean they have them in Britain they’re called the “ghost cats” and it’s like leopards and shit that roam the country side and kill farm animals. I might not be a scientist or someone who cares heart and soul for animals but I genuinely believe that is not only hardcore but the scariest thing ever.
I wish to hear the lament of your women.
Comrad Crisp 
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