cable…

Well…here we are. I hope you will excuse any spelling mistake or punctuation errors that you might find on this one, went indoor rock climbing and my hands are, for better a term “almost completely unusable” right now so I hope you will bear with me as the strength required to lift this laptop unto my legs was monumental. (editors note: dont worry seeing as this is a multiday process, I have since regained access to my hands.)

So today I’ll probably (and by probably I mean I will) talk about two channels that I once dearly loved before they tried to rip my throat out. Luckily I was old enough as to see through their immense bullshit and need their sick fetish desire for ratings that they would abscond from what made them what they are. More of a blight now than I had ever dreamed.

I of course talk about Discovery and the History channel. Here Allow me to label some from both of these … “respectable” companies:

Discovery you go first:

  • American Chopper
  • Auction Kings
  • American Logger
  • Deadliest Catch
  • Mythbusters
  • Dirty Jobs
  • Swamp Brothers
  • Swamp Loggers
  • Life
  • Gold Rush Alaska
Now this is a small bit of their programming. And that said I DO Like Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters and Life the rest of this? Look I don’t even know what I’m looking at, and to be honest even though I like Dirty Jobs I don’t feel it’s a show that Discovery needs to show. But every now and then they return to their true nature and I feel it is good. But I don’t see why they are so enigmatic about everything that they do. Why in the holy hell are there more episodes of Deadliest Catch than Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking or more things like Shark Week?
To be honest when I was still in school (Middle and High) I adored the Discovery channel and in fact was one of maybe three or four channels I watched because it fascinated me and helped me develop this passion I have for Science that I do. Discovery helped nurture my love of it, and now it’s like a heroin addicted boyfriend/girlfriend sucking the life out of me having watched it fall so far.
When Mythbusters did so well I thought it would be a throwback to their old days after they began to go astray. Nope. All that they did was try to recreate Mythbusters for  more action packed shows tried to clone it but with more Michael Bay EXPLOSIONS! “Well that failed… what about a reality show that deals with auctions? BRILLIANT!” Science!
It is without a doubt one of the reasons I stopped watching TV, look I like Mythbusters and I’ll watch it online or buy the DVD’s when I eventually get a good job because I want to show them this is what they should be doing. I shouldn’t be learning more from Thousand Ways to Die on Spiked. It shouldn’t be a contest, I should be getting science crap from discovery, and I honestly don’t see why Discovery needs to suddenly be some kind of Michael Bay clone from quasi manliness.
Oh History Channel let’s not forget about you, lets see what you have to offer now a days shall we?
  • Ice Road Truckers
  • Ancient Aliens
  • The Bible code
  • Life After People
  • Swamp People
  • Monster Quest
  • Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy
  • Pawn Stars
  • UFO Hunters
  • Ax Men
History Channel in my opinion is far, far worse than Discovery Channel. I think it has to do with them being like “oops we did ALL of history put on some more pawn stars!” On the main site that lists all of their shows not a single one of the ads was for a legitimate educational show. Now there are some shows on there that ARE educational. The thing is that, almost all of them were time specific shows and I dont mean during the day I mean things pertaining to Independence Day and Christmas and the like.
Almost nothing History shows now is of any educational use…oh unless you wake up at six in the morning. Lovely.
You know much like Discovery I got my love of history .. well… through the History channel. I loved watching stuff about WW2 and although I know that it seems it’s been over done I would still take it over the diatribe they have now. Every time Ancient Aliens is on or UFO Hunters I literally feel the need to vomit profusely. Or anything having to do with the future thats not in the context of history. I know perhaps I’m bashing rocks together but one would think they would at LEAST stick with what their name is at least based on.
Now I don’t even really watch TV outside of the occasional Mythbusters or Deadliest Warrior for my “educational” needs then I have Adult Swim for pretty much everything else, and what it doesn’t satisfy Comedy Central does.
I cant imagine a time way back when Discovery ever would have put a man on who would say shit like “I dunno, therefore aliens.” that is of course paraphrased by the great GAT. A man unable to just be able to think like a decent normal human being and sees the obvious truth that the pyramids were made by aliens so that they could mine gold and cover their planet with it.
Honestly though I’m not surprised at all. Thats just some of the foul bile that these two seem to spit up. Instead of saying “yea….that not science.” they fully endorse these madmen and influence kids growing up that saying unfounded bullshit (pardon my french) like this with zero understanding on how anything rudimentary works that it’s somehow okay. That it’s somehow okay to say that that has just as much merit as actual science. (editors note: it doesnt.)
But it’s okay because we have shows watching how pawn shops work, which we had before with antique roadshow where people weren’t ripped off by giving away family heirlooms away for fifty bucks. Gone are the days that I learn anything on cable. And when I get my own place I’m not gonna skimp out and get BBC’s Nova and the Science channel. I’m deeply disappointed in these two who only want higher ratings and forsake the very grounds on which they were founded. Maybe they’ll take ques from other networks and have midget ghost talkers who communicate with dead pets next. All I can do is cross my fingers.
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