When I was growing up I drew constantly I had a weird knack for copying things that I saw with crayons or other drawing utensils. My family had me draw things fro them and I was happy. I call this my “simple phase.” My art was simple as was my life, it never really changed until things began to change who I was. I drew what other people wanted of me and never really questioned it.
In high school things changed, I at times felt in control of my life and more often than not, I felt I had no control over my life. My art took on a very anime-esque feel and appearance to it, as that was the majority of what I watched at the time. At the same time my art became darker and more refined, like a good whiskey. While I would say that this is the height of my artwork, I hated it. I hated my art because deep down I knew it wasn’t good, it didn’t speak to me, it held no meaning.
Most of my art was also done in my classes when I should have been paying attention or studying, most of my art also had the same basic structure to it, and I’m not just saying the anime portions of it, but it all felt the same to me. And while I continued to draw, it was the things in my beginners art class, the three or so that I did throughout the entire year that I enjoyed the most. One of my submissions won first place and was hung in a bank for about 3 months. While my heart might not have felt in the art I was producing.
One of the final pieces I did in Highschool finally broke through. While it wasn’t enough to prevent my now crippling artists block it finally sang through me. It was a small piece I did on normal lined paper, it was a surrealist piece that emphasized everything that I was feeling at the time. Most of my latest art is of the same basic principle.
Now I have three pieces I would like to do but once again I just dont have the heart for it. My muse is gone, and I really hope to get my edge back once I move to Colorado. I felt when I was there that I could start it all back up again. We’ll see though.