Posts Tagged ‘ fun ’

a cry for help

Well seeing as I don’t have a job for the moment I’ve been trying my hand at what is called one of the hardest games ever made. Dwarf Fortress. I’m not gonna say I’m pro at it because I’m not by any stretch of the word because lets face it this IS dwarf fortress were talking about. Basically I couldn’t play the vanilla version of it, mainly because I dont wish to learn how to decode the Matrix and help Neo fight. ASCII can seriously go eat a damn dick, I get it it’s the only way you can show shit without my laptop dying. (BTW I am totally running it off of my external hard drive so I can take it anywhere.)

This is how it generally looks:

"I can't even see the Matrix anymore."

No please….just no. Look what I can tell you is I can see the roads, the dwarves the grass and the water. Besides that I’m just as lost as you are on this. So I downloaded a handy pack called: LazyNewbPack it comes with some new tilesets one being Ironhand and while it’s not great you can definitely see things and understand them, well more basic of things. I actually do see into the Matrix on this one and I can pretty much tell whats going on, since it is what I’ve learned off of.

only taken to show the difference I promise.

Oh god. So yea there you go. Dwarf Fortress is at it’s heart a story telling machine, sure you pretty much rule over you’re dwarves and lose in the most horrendous ways possible, but that’s just part of the story. Remember: Losing is fun! I will admit for awhile I was getting furious at my butcher dwarf who wouldn’t kill cats and dogs, even though I would tell him to find a live animal and designate them for slaughter. It was important to keep a dwarf from going insane, which ended up happening because my butcher wouldn’t do his damn job! Oh well I figured all that out now and am very slowly working on the fine points of the game.

Honestly I think when this fort eventually runs into some unforeseen horror which will more than likely slaughter my dwarves to the last (I still don’t know how to raise an army.) that my next fort will be even better, of that I have no doubt.  I have the knowledge now of what to take at the start and what is just plain silly. There is still alot of stuff that I just haven’t figured out yet unfortunetly, and I’m learning that very slowly. but for now I have a thriving fort and I’m having fun trying out different things and just learning how to do shit.

It is suffering though, generally I find myself consumed by it and then its four in the morning. But mah dwarves! It really is fun though, and I know I’ve been beating around the bush about what kind of game it is but thats hard to say…it’s a city builder with RPG elements…but pretty much every thing else is up to you the player. You make the world how you want, your dwarves are strong and if your will is as well, do it AND STRIKE THE EARTH!

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Witcher 2

I’ll more than likely come back later on and talk about this game at a later date because my computer will probably have a heart attack if I try to run it more than an hour at a time. But what I can say is that it is quite the beautiful game even on medium before my computer complained incessantly and I was forced to turn onto low. And oh how it hurt me, but even on low it doesn’t look terrible. I should also say I haven’t beaten it yet, mainly because of overheating issues from the strain it puts on my computer.

The other thing that I must suffer through is just how HARD this game is, there are several points that I have come into gross contact with that I’ve just had to save the game and close it for awhile. But the game is jam packed of fun stuff, and boobs, well…less boobs than stuff. The amount of stuff and horrifying things I can do still baffles me, and the only thing I wish the game did better was explain things better. I spent a good hour and a half trying to beat the first part of the game because the explanation for blocking went by so quickly.

Basically it plays like IVAN for me a RPG in which I die in the most horrible, contrived ways imaginable. And I must say I enjoy it, if my computer wasn’t heating up to the point where I could cook food upon it I would probably enjoy it much more. The fact that I play my computer like a guy with a mental disability doesn’t help either, sometimes the judgement of god comes down when I put down traps and get caught in them myself, leaving me completely up to the mercy of enemies which only wish to eat and consume my face.

No. NO! I scream at my computer as I wander into a place I’m obviously not supposed to be and am cut down by wraiths that I just spent 10 minutes fighting, I did barely any damage to them. I guess thats my biggest qualm so far is that it takes me so long to feel like I can do something and inevitably my character gets eaten by fishmen and I need to do it all over again. It is an unforgiving game that doesn’t mess around and lets you know when you’ve made a terrible mistake. And that includes one of the only games I can think of where I said something to piss off a guy in a cut scene and I was killed in the cut scene. The fact I collect and jame my bags full of stuff to make new and better weapons and potions and junk like that.

I was carrying to much stuff one time and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why but as I went through my inventory I saw it. 50 lbs of lumber, “wut” I said in disbelief, and one would probably think I either sold it or left it behind. No, I couldn’t do that and hauled it all with me because there is obviously something wrong with me. Oh yea and like 30 lbs of stone or something. This game once I get the computer to run it will ruin my life, of that I have no doubt. I love this game.

Bulletstorm

I realize dear children that I am going to be late for this party since Bulletstorm came out in what? Febuary? January? But it is probably one of the most hilarious games I’ve ever seen. I say seen because I was an impartial observer to it, I watched my brother play because well…my hands are not good with controllers. Now hand me a mouse and keyboard and I will lavish upon you miracles.

The dialog for the game is hilarious, and I mean that in the best fashion possible. No allow me to quote one of my favorite lines in the entire game for you, because I know you will be impressed just as I was:

Trishka: Yeah? Go fuck yourself! You shit piles give chase, I will kill your dicks!
Gray: What? What does thet even mean? Your gonna kill my dick? I’ll kill your dick! How bout that, huh?

That…wow. I lost it and my brother actually had to pause the game because we were both laughing so hard. This is just one of the conversations that come to mind. I honestly see them just shoving the characters that would be talking into a sound booth and telling them to improvise with the most hilarious bullshit they could come up with. What happens is nothing short, for me anyways, of complete perfection.

From that you should know the game does not try to be serious AT ALL. No. It is an over the top frag fest where you try to butcher your enemies in the most ridiculous ways possible. Like:

  • Grabbing an enemy with the leash and kicking him into a cactus.
  • Kicking an enemy into a giant venus flytrap.
  • Kicking head eating pods onto enemies.
  • Crushing enemies witha giant dinosaur.

There are literally a “ton” of different ways to kill enemies and done with some of the best most outrageous weapons that I’ve seen in a long time. Come on a drill bore? Oh yes please. Bulletstorm I enjoy your ultraviolent ways.

My brother complains about the controls but I understand. I do know that there are generally accepted buttons which should be used for things like sprinting and crouching and kind of stuff but that was pretty much the end of the complaints I heard. But the game for both of us even me watching was some kind of hilarious and was just a orgy of action and carnage with a bit of expletives thrown in for good measure.

I wish it wasn’t as expensive as it was but I will probably pick it up when it comes down in price just a bit.